11 February 2011

# Love # Love Bytes

Love Byte # 11 - Taking Turns With The Gardening

Guest Post by Corinne of Everyday Gyaan

I have been following Priya's blog for a while now and although we've never met, we've been been good blogger friends - encouraging each other now and then. I find her posts are always thoughtful and positive.

I am so happy to be posting here today. Priya and I have done the love theme in the past, but Love Bytes is a totally new and exciting idea of Priya's and it's an absolute pleasure to read all the great posts that other bloggers have have written here. Thanks, Pri for this opportunity - you rock sistah!

@ Deviant Art

The other day I watched a BBC documentary on Carla Bruni Sarkozy, out of curiosity. I don't want to make any comments about her, but one thing she said struck me very much. In talking about her marriage she quoted a poet who said "In any good marriage, one partner is the gardener and the other is the garden. We take it in turns to be either......"

I thought how true this is of marriage and indeed of any significant relationship. Sometimes we're needy and the other tends to us. And sometimes we are strong and take care of the other.  

If only we would see it that way. Problems in relationships occur when we take fixed roles. One person thinks that s/he has to always be the strong one....always have the answers.....always be the provider. In other words, one is always the gardener. Then there is the other side, when one always wants to be the garden. S/he is constantly needy and insecure.....and requires the other to always be the provider and the nurturer. If we get stuck this way, we can never evolve as individuals and neither can our relationship truly grow or blossom. 

I've always found it harder to be the 'garden.'  I would rather be the strong one, than be the needy one. It takes courage and a lot of trust to say, 'Hey, I need help...I'm hurting right now......I need a hand....I'm not okay."   But I've learned to love and to trust and to say to the other, "Please be the gardener for now. I need tending to."

Perhaps today is as good a time as any for us to review our significant relationships.

~ Corinne 


  1. Beautifully written Corinne! I also have trouble being the "garden" but it's so essential isn't it? Humbling as well, to allow ourselves to be truly cared for.
    Thank you for this bit of wisdom today!

  2. Very nice...most of the time I am the 'garden' except when he's sick...menare such babies when they're sick. They think they are going to die...lol! Thnak for sharing!

  3. It's a wonderful way to look at relationships, I guess I've been through my fair share of being just either the garden or the gardener but then that goes to show why they didn't work. Balance is key :)

  4. I love this Corinne...while it is humbling to be the garden it teaches us valuable lessons...while many of us would rather be the gardener because we enjoy giving care, being the garden now and then is good for teaching us to be even better gardeners. I think it's good for our relationships to interchange these roles. I will ponder your wisdom as I go through my day. Thanks!

  5. so true! a strong relationship definitely has to be *fluid*, with each partner taking on different roles during different times.

    there are certain things that i do consistently for my husband, but there are other things he does for me all the time. in between, we take turns *gardening* as the other needs it.

  6. Corinne, you are brilliant. Simply brilliant. And this post is brilliant! Loved reading your insightful words. The Significant Other is almost always the garden. As a good gardener, I tend and care for him up to a point. When I see he's intent on remaining as the garden and refuses to exchange roles, I remind him how easily weeds make an appearance and eat up a garden. This usually does the trick. :)

  7. Corinne what a great post. I have been the Gardner and honestly could do with being the garden!
    I like the symbolism of this.....

  8. @ Colleen - Thanks, Colleen. Yes, to me, it's always difficult to ask for help. I'm getting better at it though!

    @ Claudia - Thanks! Oh yes, a sick man can be an absolute pain. Actually it's the little things like a cold that get them down! :)

    @ SJ - Nicely put...it's all about balance.

    @Lori - I'm glad I made sense ;) I like what you said about how being the garden helps us to be better gardeners too!

    @ Bklyn - Yes, there are certain tasks/ chores that each is good at and it makes sense to stick to those. But emotionally we need to take turns. I love your blog - so glad to have 'found' it.

    @ Bella - You never cease to make me smile...love the threat about the weeds - good line :)

    @ Savy - I hope a nice gardener comes by soon....Hugs...

  9. I so agree with you C , every relationship requires balance and switching of roles time to time for it to function smoothly ..and this imagery of garden and gardener is just so beautiful ..
    Thank you my dear friend for being part of my love byte feature :)

  10. @ Bella ...weeds ..hahahahha ! If anyone could have brought that up , it would have to be you ..
    love that threat ;)

  11. Nice, well written post, dear Corinne.

    I tend to be the "garden".
    I really have to find ways to balance the needs of others with the needs of self though.

    B xx

  12. I love this analogy, it' so true. I agree with colleen, this is beautifully written. I enjoyed reading your love byte.

  13. This post.. all the guys should read too.
    Its so so true to find that balance between gardening and being the garden. Beautiful analogy Colleen.


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