18 December 2009

Make up or Break up..

"In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage."

While Love always is and will be the most important ground for a solid enduring marriage, Fidelity comes a close second...

According to a study conducted by the University of Texas at Austin “The first two years of marriage foreshadow the long term marital fate after 13 years…The researchers also discovered that the difference between the happily married and unhappily married groups were apparent right after they tied the knot ..”

In layman terms...what it means is that a couple must work on their marriage as soon as their “wedding” is over because your marriage is not a constant …it’s a variable , a dependent variable whose value depends on the presence or absence of other variables in the environment you create.. if that’s too much Maths which I think it is, it simply means that a Marriage is what you make of it and therefore it’s important that you spend the first few years of your relationship taking the time to discover each other, spending quality time with each other, learning to love each other, learning to appreciate the differences and similarities and making a few adjustments and compromises..

While I agree that the comfort derived from having married someone you’ve been in a relationship with might be greater than marrying someone who you don’t know (Love marriage Vs. Arranged Marriage) it does not in any way undermine the effort that needs to be put in either of the cases and therefore the initial adjustment can be sometimes a bit of a struggle too especially when things may not always work out the way you like them to be and then at that point of time in life giving up or running away from the situation seems like a lucrative option ..Infact the travails of bringing semblance of normality in your relationship can sometimes even sows seeds of doubt like ..if he or she is the kind of partner you had wanted to spend your life with and add to that the hectic lifestyles one leads in today’s life and it’s enough of a temptation to commit infidelity .When one refers to Infidelity , it does not always imply an extra marital affair because that’s just one part of it and I believe that Infidelity includes any and all such acts that one consciously commits fully understanding the repercussion or threat it poses to one’s already existing relationship ..It’s like Susanna Abse said "It's the thought that matters, not the sex" and therefore emotional infidelity is as devastating for a relationship as is physical infidelity because you’re draining your marriage of the love it needs to survive in turn debilitating it to the point of no return..

However like for all things, Infidelity has a flip side too because some are of the opinion that the revelation of a cheating partner does not always mean the relationship is finito...sometimes it can be a catalyst for change and renewal too...restoring life to a dead relationship...

However, having said that, It does not necessarily mean that one needs to commit infidelity to find the worth of your own relationship...In my opinion a dating couple might survive it but it can most certainly ruin an otherwise perfectly good marriage …the best example being Tiger Woods.. He may continue to apologize to his family and loved ones for his transgressions and seem apologetic too but I am sure he has realized this by now that it surely wasn’t worth it.

I end this post with a message to all couples on the meaning of Fidelity. It’s something I read and immediately connected with...I hope you like it too …


  1. Touched my heart, warmed it and made it swell with pride that I have someone as wise as you as a friend. Keep it up Priya, this si waht good writing is made of.
    I <3 you.

  2. Thnks J and I love you too ..and you're no doubt my most ardent follower ..thnk u for always *Moti*vating me and cheering me on :)
    Muaaaaaaaaaaah !!!


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