My Boy'sterous Reflections

So, its only taken a lil more than a month to come back to write another post,Progress,shall we say?

The last quarter of the year is always busy, what I look forward to though and love about it most is the merriment and festivity ,the madness starts obviously with Halloween , finding the perfect costume for your kid although I admit it must be much easier to dress up your kid when they're not really hanging down your neck hankering for any particular one . 

The above picture is so on point coz I remember his first Halloween he was a bear , I wanted to go with the quintessential, overused pumpkin costume but a cuddly bear he was and it just made sense . Year 2 he was a monkey , an apt description of what he was the whole time . This year too it was easy peasy , with his obsession for trucks , cars and trains I knew it could be either of those and I'd have a happy ecstatic toddler. and he was beyond excited too, to be Thomas the train engine, delayed excited I mean coz he didn't really want to dress up at all at first and then the kids arrived, in hordes and he liked the whole I'm in charge of handing out candy till it wasn't as much fun and and he wanted to go trick or treating too, and then we did .

It was the best Halloween to date ,watching him stride fearlessly yet finding my hand when the ghoulishness scared him, wishing everyone in his teeny tiny voice and sighing after he barely covered like ten houses, I just had to write about it , even with Christmas around the corner , just as I want to write about his 3rd birthday and our anniversary , because these are the moments I want to remember from this year , these are the moments and memories I want to cherish ! 

Of late I've been told by a number of friends / fond readers of this blog that they miss my writing and to be brutally honest I've missed writing , not for lack of time though but lack of energy . 

Lawrence Housman said ,

"If nature arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively , there would never be more than three in a family. " 

I find the above so hilariously true coz we go through hell and back with all that pregnancy brings us , nausea , vomiting , heart burn , back ache , swollen feet , sleepless nights , constant need to pee and more , we moan and groan persistently and yet there is unequivocally a sense of power , a magic in being able to create and give birth to another life, that keeps us coming back for more .. 

Of all the myriad reasons there are two that made me love my pregnant self , the first was hands down the baby kicks , right from when they're lil flutters that make you smile to the time they become jabs that make you grin and wince at the same time , they're like a constant reminder that we're not alone , not now , not ever !!

The other being the husband's compliments .. he's stingy when it comes to those, but not then and every time he would say I was glowing and beautiful , it would make me blush like a teenager .. 

Having said that , this may not be a universal sentiment and I agree no pregnancy is sheer bliss, mine wasn't either but comparatively I had a much easier pregnancy .. either that or one year of child rearing has given me irrevocable memory loss..

What was your favorite part or memory about your first time pregnancy ?

There's no way I can explain it except that the very first time you get to hear your baby's heart beat , its SURRRRRREAL !!!

                                                                                             Image via Google

All firsts are memorable but this first it is pretty damn spectacular .. it's a ONCE in a lifetime , take your breath away kind of moment and it still gives me the goose bumps every single time !! What made this occasion even more momentous was timing it with the husband's birthday ..I know I'm never going to be able to top that gift but every birthday will be such a joyous reminder of that deliriously happy first time we whispered hello to our lil one ,

such a joyous reminder to me to remind the husband :P

The in between planning a child and having one .. 

When you first decide you want to have a baby , you're so thrilled that even before you've tried to conceive you've already had the baby.. in your mind you've envisioned the whole deal !!

Your perception is further skewed by the instant pregnant syndrome that plagues movies and media in general and while some of you are lucky enough to get pregnant when you choose to , the luckier ones like me take a while -some a few months , some a year and others maybe more.. which is why I wanted to particularly write about this because I now realize I wasn't the only one who went through those traumatizing emotions. It devours you so much so that the world seems to be conspiring against you .. I could spot one or all pregnant women in a crowd ..lil babies and kids gave me heart ache..The idea of meeting / talking to expectant and new moms was nauseating .I felt rage and jealousy ..I felt people were having more babies just to spite me and every time I tested negative the sense of loss was excruciatingly painful ..I chastised myself like there was something wrong with me. One of the most offered advice ( doesn't everyone have one about everything , asked for or not ..Gawdddd !! ) was "It'll happen the minute you stop fretting about it." Oh yeah ! like that's possible :O I wanted to kick everyone who said that to me because frankly , I was all consumed by this need to have my baby ,every waking moment ..no matter what I did , esp the two weeks before I tested and if I got delayed did my hopes bounce up and down like a roller coaster ride .

I remember a conversation with my grandma who said to me , " You,the next generation try so hard to not get pregnant and when you finally decide you want to , you expect a miracle ! That's now how it works ! " I now comprehend what she meant but at that particular time there's nothing anyone can say or do that can make you feel better ..The heart wants what it wants, when it wants .I recall finding a lil solace in lying to myself , telling myself that when the time was right , I would be pregnant but in all candor its hard , its exhausting and its stressful and each failed attempt is more discouraging than the last. One of the few times I've wished in my life , to be a man just so I could be totally nonchalant - it would make the whole ordeal so much more easier. I never even vaguely remember the husband getting worked up about it and yet catastrophic is how it would feel to me , the end of the world , the end of me !

It took us a lil more than a year to get pregnant , boy ! the lil rascal made us wait alright :P and it was the most agonizing wait ever !! atleast that's what I thought and then fast forward I was in labor and believe me agonizing has a whole new meaning then ! 

What I really wish to say is that if you've gone through , are going through or have been through this , you know you're not alone and as outrageous as it may sound now , don't forget to laugh coz soon , yes sooooon this will be all over and they'll be a bonny baby in the house making you laugh so hard you''ll cry ..ha !!

Once upon a time there was a happy and content couple ..

and they loved each other so much they decided to have a child .. 

Well either that Or they were crazy coz making the decision to having a baby and HAVING a baby is so completely disparate . It is monumental alright but you really don't know what you're getting into.. ha ! Those parenting books , new parent classes , baby sitting , taking care of your sibling's child or kids in the family is not even close to what you'll experience - believe me !! and yet therein lies the appeal , the element of surprise and the reason why once you've come out alive of that ordeal you're willing to put yourself through it all over again in a jiff :P 

On a serious note , I've always believed that the decision to want a child should always be yours and yours alone as a couple . Where I come from , there's tremendous pressure to bear kids once you're married for a reasonably acceptable time and the definition of that time may vary from a few days to months maybe if you're lucky -years ;) and its okay if it were just that , you can deal with parental pressure ( that's what parents are for !! ) but there's the scrutinizing eyes of the one dozen aunts and uncles , married cousins , family friends , your own friends turned parents , neighbors , well wishers and their immense concern for what you are and aren't doing in the bedroom .. GOSH ! it can become a bit too much .. and yes it gets to you and annoys you but don't let that be the rationale behind wanting a child . There's so much to take under advisement , there's obviously the financial aspect , then there's the physical ( Oh yes! a baby will make those bones hurt and weak overnight :D )  but most vital of them all is to be mentally prepared , to be a parent , to take care of another life and to be responsible round the clock 24*7 and just in case you skipped all the above and were careless , not that I'm judging but tsk tsk .. you have give or take 9 months to prepare yourself :P :P coz a wise man or woman once said , 

"Whether your pregnancy was meticulously planned , medically coaxed or happened by surprise , one thing is certain your life will never be the same. "

Hey my blogger friends .. So I wanted to do this last year but an infant and a travelling husband made it almost impossible to find time to think , let alone write . 

Love Bytes is my most favorite/cherished series in this blog and this year I wanted to do Love Bytes with a maternal twist . I couldn't write the whole of last year but there are things that I experienced , emotions I felt that only happen once in a lifetime cause the first of everything in life is extra extra special , right ? So before I forget those tingles I wanted to capture them in some way for posterity . Thank you for reading along . 

I could go on an on but I want to share a poem I read awhile back , edited a bit and saved it for my baby's 'one'derful day ..echoes my sentiments completely !! 

There's so much I want to write , share everyday but taking care of a newborn is tough and as much as I'd like to , most days I just drop dead on the bed having little or no energy to read , write or even think while on other days (those few blissful days he decides on napping in the afternoon ) when I manage to be online ..

I am either busy scouring the internet for information on all sorts of relevant/irrelevant baby stuff .. When will my baby smile / laugh ? Why does my baby have green poop ? When can I travel/ fly with my baby ? Can my baby see clearly ? What should I read to my baby ? When can I take him in the pool ? When will he start eating ? --- oh the questions are endless !!

Or

I'm looking at baby clothes ..Honestly I don't think I've ever been this interested in online shopping ..so much so I shamefully admit to buying sizes a year bigger than he is now , all in the name of clearance sales :O :O

and then a while back I had this conversation with a dear friend also mommy to a gorgeous 3 year old son who said there's so much happening every day with a child that it gets harder and harder to remember those little details you'd like to but unfortunately don't unless one is blogging or documenting and a bell rang in my head .

She was right , I already knew that ... Not to mention the feedback/ friendships and love that one gets from the blogging world are also big reasons ...reasons enough to continue blogging :)

What's your biggest motivation / reason to blog ?

Little did I know when I was writing this first post last year , that I was having an epiphany ..

Little did I know that starting a new decade would quite literally become starting a new chapter ;) 

Yes, my blogger family it's with immense pleasure I share the news that our family grew over the past year and we welcomed our lil bundle of joy ..

and to all of you who've waited patiently, checked on me, hoping I'd write someday - thank you and I sincerely hope you're still there because I'm back , suited and booted to blog about this joyous , rewarding , fulfilling , sometimes annoying ,crazy and mostly sleepless/sleep deprived new chapter of motherhood :P

On that note , from our family to yours , I wish you the happiest of New Years .. 

May this year bring in your life all that your heart desires and more :)

Much Love !

Image via Google

Consciously or unconsciously we all bring a wide range of expectations into our relationships everyday , these expectations maybe about the way things should be or how people should behave and often without any realization we thrust these unspoken , half hidden expectations presuming that our loved ones would somehow know and fulfill them ..thru ESP perhaps or mind reading ?

So ok , I'll admit , I'd probably like to give my spouse a tremendous amount of grief too for not knowing what I want , when most of the times he does ,  but that's the case  - not because he's read my mind - but because living with someone gives you the advantage of knowing a person and the more you know someone , the more are you able to anticipate his or her needs .. my spouse definitely did not know I want my coffee more than him in the mornings but over time he does .. 

 ..so the thumb rule here is to verbalise expectations .. 

it takes way less time and is far less agonising than the misery you're ready to put each other through !

But hang on , as important as it is to verbalize , its even more critical to ensure the expectations are realistic , not based on what you see around you or on other people's relationship or even what you see on television ..because its unfair to compare or be compared , because what you share is unique , and therefore deserves a bit of credit ..

The best part is once you communicate , discuss and set your expectations out in the open , you're able to weed out what is unreasonable or can't be done and put in equal effort to do what you can and do it better because you're now part of the same team , working with the same motive , to make the relationship great and when you're part of the same team , you've already won !!

Image via Pinterest

This made me laugh .. because that someone is/will be busy working while I've to go attend class .. but like a friend said , you kiss each other and life goes on :P

Image via Savagechickens

True for every relationship , but especially marriage when it comes to this particular virtue - the virtue of tolerance .. because once you're married the number of times one requires to be patient and tolerant is ironically sometimes beyond tolerance .. 

whether its learning to appreciate the fact that your partner may not always think or behave in a way you like or are used to , or the fact that you might face sticky situations that you've never dealt with , all by yourself or as a couple .. or even the fact that you must learn to respect , deal with a new family , their traditions and their way of doing things ..

For most I know dealing with your partner's family tops the chart because while living day in and day out with your partner makes you oblivious / habitual to each other's as annoying as they can get mannerisms and idiosyncrasies , nothing quite prepares you for the "in-law' syndrome .. and nothing I write here WILL ,  

so .. 

let's just say no matter how good or bad the circumstances are or get  , a little patience and tolerance goes a long long way in paving the path to any and every successful relationship/ marriage .. but tolerance is only possible when you share an open, communicative and reciprocal relationship , where one has the freedom to voice one's opinion without the fear of being judged or where one has the assurance that the other is as inviting of criticism as of correction .. and the absence of either turns tolerance into indifference ..

Love is not easy , neither are relationships but if you remember things that matter most like communication , mutual respect , faith , unconditional love , the rest falls into place , all on its own .. 

In the words of Paul Sweeney,

'A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. 

The order varies for any given year. '

Images via Google

if only you can love yourself for who you are , rest assured you will find people who will love you for the same reason .. 

if only you can love yourself  for who you are not , rest assured you will love other people so much better.. 

P.S - This was supposed to go up y'day but .. life happened !

Here's a cheeky illustration found on Pinterest titled  ' Valentine's day by the numbers ' by coolmaterial.com that captures the varied emotions in this season of love .. the silliness, the pain , the trauma , the excitement , the expenditure , the novelty , the commercialism , the thoughts ,  the results , the love , the alcohol , the sex , the regret and much more .. Love is indeed a many splendored  stupid thing ..

Image via Pinterest

Somedays even with all the words I can gather , its impossible to define love ..
Somedays all I want to do is scream from the rooftops ..
because

“Love is too weak a word for what I feel — I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I do, don’t you think I do?”

- from the movie Annie Hall 

Everyday life is fraught with a dozen different responsibilities , commitments , obligations and if anything makes life easier its laughter , because as efficient as we maybe,  every once in a while , things go wrong and when they do , a sense of humor is magic , instantly softening even the worst kind of blow...and not only that , a sense of humor also helps change the mood and introduce an altogether different perspective , a point of view you were too busy to look at ..  because call me dramatic if you like but I've this uncanny ability to make a bad situation seem worse , like it was the end of the world or equivalent and if it weren't for his exaggerations of how dismal my life always gets , I would always be in the doldrums !!

But most significantly of all ,  laughter adds that extra zing to a relationship that makes it refreshing and everyday a tad bit more enjoyable ...or maybe not ..

Maybe, the most significant benefit would be the fact that laughter saves me from not punching his lights out or strangling him in his sleep ;)