My Boy'sterous Reflections

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Consciously or unconsciously we all bring a wide range of expectations into our relationships everyday , these expectations maybe about the way things should be or how people should behave and often without any realization we thrust these unspoken , half hidden expectations presuming that our loved ones would somehow know and fulfill them ..thru ESP perhaps or mind reading ?

So ok , I'll admit , I'd probably like to give my spouse a tremendous amount of grief too for not knowing what I want , when most of the times he does ,  but that's the case  - not because he's read my mind - but because living with someone gives you the advantage of knowing a person and the more you know someone , the more are you able to anticipate his or her needs .. my spouse definitely did not know I want my coffee more than him in the mornings but over time he does .. 

 ..so the thumb rule here is to verbalise expectations .. 

it takes way less time and is far less agonising than the misery you're ready to put each other through !

But hang on , as important as it is to verbalize , its even more critical to ensure the expectations are realistic , not based on what you see around you or on other people's relationship or even what you see on television ..because its unfair to compare or be compared , because what you share is unique , and therefore deserves a bit of credit ..

The best part is once you communicate , discuss and set your expectations out in the open , you're able to weed out what is unreasonable or can't be done and put in equal effort to do what you can and do it better because you're now part of the same team , working with the same motive , to make the relationship great and when you're part of the same team , you've already won !!

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This made me laugh .. because that someone is/will be busy working while I've to go attend class .. but like a friend said , you kiss each other and life goes on :P

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True for every relationship , but especially marriage when it comes to this particular virtue - the virtue of tolerance .. because once you're married the number of times one requires to be patient and tolerant is ironically sometimes beyond tolerance .. 

whether its learning to appreciate the fact that your partner may not always think or behave in a way you like or are used to , or the fact that you might face sticky situations that you've never dealt with , all by yourself or as a couple .. or even the fact that you must learn to respect , deal with a new family , their traditions and their way of doing things ..

For most I know dealing with your partner's family tops the chart because while living day in and day out with your partner makes you oblivious / habitual to each other's as annoying as they can get mannerisms and idiosyncrasies , nothing quite prepares you for the "in-law' syndrome .. and nothing I write here WILL ,  

so .. 

let's just say no matter how good or bad the circumstances are or get  , a little patience and tolerance goes a long long way in paving the path to any and every successful relationship/ marriage .. but tolerance is only possible when you share an open, communicative and reciprocal relationship , where one has the freedom to voice one's opinion without the fear of being judged or where one has the assurance that the other is as inviting of criticism as of correction .. and the absence of either turns tolerance into indifference ..

Love is not easy , neither are relationships but if you remember things that matter most like communication , mutual respect , faith , unconditional love , the rest falls into place , all on its own .. 

In the words of Paul Sweeney,

'A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. 

The order varies for any given year. '

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if only you can love yourself for who you are , rest assured you will find people who will love you for the same reason .. 

if only you can love yourself  for who you are not , rest assured you will love other people so much better.. 

P.S - This was supposed to go up y'day but .. life happened !

Here's a cheeky illustration found on Pinterest titled  ' Valentine's day by the numbers ' by coolmaterial.com that captures the varied emotions in this season of love .. the silliness, the pain , the trauma , the excitement , the expenditure , the novelty , the commercialism , the thoughts ,  the results , the love , the alcohol , the sex , the regret and much more .. Love is indeed a many splendored  stupid thing ..

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Somedays even with all the words I can gather , its impossible to define love ..
Somedays all I want to do is scream from the rooftops ..
because

“Love is too weak a word for what I feel — I luuurve you, you know, I loave you, I luff you, two F’s, yes I have to invent, of course I do, don’t you think I do?”

- from the movie Annie Hall 

Everyday life is fraught with a dozen different responsibilities , commitments , obligations and if anything makes life easier its laughter , because as efficient as we maybe,  every once in a while , things go wrong and when they do , a sense of humor is magic , instantly softening even the worst kind of blow...and not only that , a sense of humor also helps change the mood and introduce an altogether different perspective , a point of view you were too busy to look at ..  because call me dramatic if you like but I've this uncanny ability to make a bad situation seem worse , like it was the end of the world or equivalent and if it weren't for his exaggerations of how dismal my life always gets , I would always be in the doldrums !!

But most significantly of all ,  laughter adds that extra zing to a relationship that makes it refreshing and everyday a tad bit more enjoyable ...or maybe not ..

Maybe, the most significant benefit would be the fact that laughter saves me from not punching his lights out or strangling him in his sleep ;) 

This might seem more like a continuation of the first love byte, actually in essence it is , except this is the R-rated version but then as I was penning it , I realized how important this expression of love is between a husband and a wife .. and how relatively easy it is to submit to the everyday realities of our mundane routine as we go about living each day..

Even more insane is the veritable fact that among discussions , the one significant phase of married life that stands out for each married couple, the one they remember with utmost fondness is the courting / honeymoon period ..

but why , what happened , what's changed ? 

I know, you know that love still holds the two of you together and you're proud of the life and your family, the home you've built together but what about the passion , the amorous kisses , the loving caresses .. 

I am no stranger to what I write , I've been married five years (dated the same guy for a decade - phewwwww !!) but then I've always wanted the spine tingling , earth shattering , would walk through fire for you love , 

the kind of love they show in movies ..  

the kind of love that leaves you breathless ..

the kind of love that feels way different because the passion the protagonists emote seems unreal  ...

but its not because its your choice  .. 

because a simple expression like kissing everyday can bring you closer , refueling the passion and reaffirming the commitment you made to each other on your wedding day..

and every once in a while as much as you can , kiss passionately , kiss with total abandon , like your spouse was your lover not someone who you're married to or someone who's the parent of your child ..kiss like there's no tomorrow .. because ..

"Unless its mad , passionate , extraordinary love its a waste of your time . There are way too many mediocre things in your life ..LOVE shouldn't be one of them . " 

- Dream for an Insomniac 

This movie always gets me in way that's inexplicable .. maybe because when I thought I'd found the one , I chose to express it right then , right there , out loud ..or maybe because what would/could have happened if I'd waited for an opportune time ..

All I know now is that in every relationship that you share , love needs to be expressed - simple knowledge of this fact is never enough nor should it be an excuse ..

It might mean taking out that little extra time or putting in that extra effort but with the countless ways one can 

express love , methinks sometimes its way easier than just saying it .. not that you shouldn't say it .. infact you should say it a lot , you should say it everyday if you can..because words are not a substitute for expression..

but little things like a compliment , a smile , a phone call , a thoughtful gift , a thank you note , a miss you card , spending time , taking a walk , sending flowers , doing a favor , having coffee , a hug , a kiss and so many more go a long long way ..

because , no matter how small or big the act , it reaffirms and rejuvenates your love ..

because , no matter how small or big the act , people never forget how you've made them feel .. and every one of us ,more than we'd like to acknowledge , absolutely love being made to feel 'special ' .

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So go on , make someone feel special today ..make someone feel LOVED !!

and then do it as often as you can ..

Much love !

P.S - Love Byte #1 recall Gambler's Choice and A question of Love